Ga ga ooh la la, want your bad romance

Gather 'round children, while I tell you the story of Thumper. No, not the bunny from Bambi, my upstairs neighbor. I call her Thumper, because I don't know her actual name, and well, she thumps.

{summons the spirit of Dr. Seuss}
she thumps in the night, she thumps in the day
she thumps when I am home, and probably when I'm away
her floors are wood, she thumps when walking
she thumps from sex, and I can hear her talking
I think she wears boots 24/7
I wish she would die and not go to heaven

now that we've gotten that out of the way, the real story:
So when I bought my condo, moved all my stuff in, things were great. Have my own place, much closer to work, owning instead of renting, etc. Perfectly fine for a few weeks. Then I started noticing that I could hear my upstairs neighbor walking around. No big deal, I thought, I only heard it in the afternoons. Then I started noticing that she seems to work weird hours, and comes home late (often after 11pm) and I can still hear her walking around at midnight or later. Kind of annoying, but nothing I can't deal with.

Then... I started hearing other noises, that were definitely not walking. These noises happened only late at night, times between midnight and 3 am or so. They are also very regularly timed, sounding like someone who was hammering in a nail constantly, but faster.

After a little bit of listening to this for the first time, I determined it was definitely her having sex, and the noise was her headboard/bed repeatedly hitting the wall. So I decided to pound on the ceiling, and the noises stopped. I later heard someone walking around, going to the bathroom (I can also hear the water in the pipes when she showers or flushes).

Flash forward to another night, I heard the thumping noises again, around 3am. I pound on the ceiling again, the noises stop. Then a few minutes later, they start again. I pound on the ceiling again, they stop.

This happened multiple times, and would eventually stop after I pounded on the ceiling. Then one night, I pounded on the ceiling, and the noises kept going. I decided I need to do something. I wrote a note on a piece of paper, something to the effect of "stop fucking so loudly, I would like to be able to sleep" but phrased nicer.

After that, I didn't hear the noises for a while. Then they started up again. I figured I would need to take this to the next level. So I thought to myself, what would be more annoying to someone in the middle of sex, than pounding on their floor? Of course, an airhorn! So I went on ebay, bought an airhorn, and waited for it to arrive. About a week or so after I got it, I heard the noises again. So here we go, let's test out the airhorn. I aimed it directly at the ceiling, pressed the button, and did a couple of short blasts, the noises stopped. Didn't hear the noise for a couple weeks, then again! dammit, don't you people fucking sleep at night? do you wake up in the middle of the night to fuck? Do you have insomnia? some sleep disorder that only causes you to be horny in the middle of the night? So this time, I was really pissed, I took the airhorn, put shoes on, and walked up the stairs, opened her outer door, flipped up the mail slot, and blew the airhorn through the mail slot. Went back downstairs, and didn't hear any more noise.

Then, the next time I heard it, it was 6:30 am on a Sunday, and I was woken up early by more thumping noises. I decided rather than use the airhorn, or pound on the ceiling, I would see if I could share the noise with others. So I grabbed my cell phone, pulled up the sound recorder, and recorded the noises. Below is the recording, turn up the volume, the cell phone mic is kinda crappy.


so that's the latest for now, the story will continue in the future I'm sure.... hopefully with less loud headboard sex for her, and more sleep for me.